Our annual long weekend timeshare at Castleburn - the 'Berg, is always a time to relax and take things slow. Meals are planned beforehand, and its all about convenience - with PLENTY of wine time factored in! Apparently not everyone shares the same idea about what constitutes a relaxing holiday, however. In the next door cottage, instantly identified by the smell (freshly baked something), and the look (matching and co-ordinated outfit, accessories and proper shoes (i.e. not tackies or slops!!)), was Martha (OK so her name was really Jan, but Martha by any other name would still be Martha!). Not to sound hypocritical as I am a self-proclaimed Martha-wannabe, but Martha did NOT belong on holiday in the cottage next door to us!!
Day One saw Martha baking homemade custard slices, followed by day two's apple pie AND peach cobbler. With whipped cream. Served with Swiss coffee and WARM milk. By day three Ash and I thought we needed to "Out-Martha Martha". With our limited um.. talents, we decided on a cheese and wine spread. THIS we could do. So out came the Woolies cheese platter, the three Underberg cheeses recently purchased, the Woolies chicken liver pate, bacon pate, olive tapenade, marinaded olives, pickled onions (two kinds!), wasabi flavoured cream cheese (we like to patronise Woolies - they NEVER let us down!!), and our attempt at a friends recipe for oven roasted onions, tomatoes and Camembert. How proud were we!! Until Martha arrived (on instruction to bring nothing), with her perfectly roasted hallumi, with chilli sauce and FRESH basil. Enough said. Except it wasn't. Later on, a knock on our door revealed Martha had thoughtfully whipped up a lemon souffle (I kid you not), and had kindly sent it over to us. Gotta love Martha!
Our last day there saw us swearing to say no to any more invites. Until one predictably arrived with the offer of homemade lindt chocolate mousse. With barley concealed determination to find the Nigella in the Martha, we arrived armed with caramel vodka, and laid claim to the strawberry super moo tequila. After demolishing the made-from-my-grans-recipe-lindt-chocolate-mousse-with-choc-balls-and-whipped-cream desert, the vodka and tequila were encouragingly offered. And offered. And offered. Finally! The break through! An hour later and a brisk walk in the freezing dark saw Martha sitting on the floor crying with laughter!! The most fun she had EVER had, she declared!!!
The point of all this? In every Martha there is Nigella dying to escape. I'm Just Saying...