I have had a lot of time these past few days, while decluttering my "stuff", and starting the Great Pack in preparation for our move at the end of the month, to contemplate life. (For the record, I kept exponentially more than I threw away! I lost hours reading through every bit of paper, every card, every note, each school diary, and hundreds (actually probably more like thousands) of photographs, and memorabilia. I found birthday cards from when I was nine or ten from school friends, notes from the same and every other era, through to primary and later high school, University and from the start of my life with Warren, through to today.)
When I finally closed, sealed and labelled that box I was smiling. I had an epiphany - I have had, and DO have an amazing life. This might sound trite, how could I have only just realised this? But what it highlighted for me was that we, I, spend so much time focusing on the negative. The problems. The half-full moments. The uphills, the battles, the trials and tribulations. Stepping back for a minute and looking at my world from a whole, an almost clinical point of view, I realised that despite all the downs, the ups made for a pretty fantastic life. This was my Iceberg Moment. Focusing on the top, which in reality is minor, compared with the monumental bottom - which in reality is the greater part of the whole, and realising its Titanic importance.
From way back when, I have always had a solid foundation of the most special, most amazing, lifelong friends. I have, however, focused so much on the the fact that most of my oldest and dearest friends live so far away, spread all over the world, "Scatterlings of Africa", (in fact, with close friends living nearby, our busy lives make this sentiment true for them too), and pining for them, instead of embracing the fact that technology has made it possible to stay in touch, to stay a part of each others lives, making the real time visits so special. Our shared childhood, shared history, shared experiences, growing up and growing old together, will always keep our friendships strong. And that is the greater part of the iceberg!
I never traveled on my own before getting married. This niggles me sometimes, that tiny tip of ice poking up. What would it have been like? Could I even do it? But beneath this tiny tip, lies an infinite icy rock. I met, fell in love with, and married my first love, my soul mate. And together we have weathered more ups and downs than I can remember. We fight, we bicker, we disagree, the urge to walk away has been felt on both sides many times, but at the end of the day, we find ourselves back where we belong. Together. And stronger. We have the most awesome life. And have done it together, starting off with nothing but University Degrees and a huge enthusiasm (and naivety) for life! And together we have grown, and built a life with two beautiful children, ticking off our dreams one by one. Reading through first Valentine cards, first Christmas cards, birthday cards, (there have been 17 in total!), and looking at the picture that is US, I am happy. Deeply fulfilled and happy.
My body has been through hell, health wise. And to be honest, the top of that iceberg does seem top heavy in comparison with down below. I battled to fall pregnant, and it took IVF and GIFT for this to be possible. It was beyond hard. Heart wrenching, physically and emotionally traumatic. But we did it. And at the end - twins. My beautiful Kirsten and Dylan. Years later I had to have a hysterectomy due to other medial issues. Again, the top seemed to over shadow anything else that may be lurking down below. Stepping back and critically looking at these events in my life, however, I know this is not the case. Below the massive top which before seemed so overpowering, is an even bigger, more impressively influential, bottom. Every crisis brings my family, Warren and I, my amazing friends, closer together. And every crisis highlights two major blessings - my children.
When I moan about packing up my house, or about the 6th school run I have done in one day, or about the unrealistic expectations of some of my clients, or about Warren working late again, I will stop and remember my Icebergs. What is below the surface is way more important than the annoying chunks of ice on top. I'm sure Jack and Rose (or rather Kate and Leonardo!) would agree. I'm Just Saying...