Happily Ever After

“So babe, should we do it?” Just like that. My marriage proposal. No sky writing, no down on one knee, no mumbled, gushing declarations of how wonderful I was. But after waiting patiently for six years (yes, six!!), my “YES!!” was uttered (read: screamed) with no hesitation. And so began my happily ever after. My fairytale wedding (pre-empted by an epic hens night – complete with a classy stripper hired by my mother-in-law), a move into our first home, and our first “child”, (Sarah the epitome of a mixed breed New South African dog), arrived. And life was complete – perfect in the way Good Housekeeping depicted it would be.

Then reality came thundering down. 

Believe me, I love my husband like nothing on earth, and I love being married, but it is by no means the bed of roses all those single girls think it is. Firstly, there’s the whole cooking thing – every single night! (No more eggs on toast if thats all I felt like!) And the actual housekeeping. I married a true South African male – “Babe? (I asked) Have you seen the iron?” “What does it look like”, he replied (in absolute seriousness). Then there’s sport. Every single rugby match is THE match not to be missed. I like watching Patrick making history on the field as much as the next girl, but EVERY match? And shopping – where I thought I might have a lifelong shopping buddy with on tap credit, I instead had a member of the censorship board watching (and commenting on) my every move. 

Given the choice, though, I wouldn’t change a thing. There is a unique bond that develops with that partner you have chosen to spend your life with. Knowing exactly what you love, (and how you love it!), building and sharing a history, a life.  Yes, I wouldn’t change a thing. Being married makes up for all the ups and downs. And to be honest, what I don’t get from him I get religiously from, well, from my bookclub! I'm Just Saying..

Are you a Good Role Model?

What do we teach our kids? Speaking from experience, the age old adage "Do what I say and not what I do" springs to mind. This has never really been much of an issue for me before (after all, isn't it my prerogative as a mom to have my kids obey me no matter what?!), but lately, in the light of some of the questionable actions by those in positions of power in our country, the quick and lasting judgements we pass on them, and the scathing and disappointing opinions we form of them, I started to think about the message I was sending to my kids. And I squirmed.

Eat all your vegetables. An easy one, you might think, and one that is logically a sound instruction. Unless I don't eat all of mine. While spewing forth about the virtues of carrots making you see better in the dark, beans making your teeth squeak, and broccoli giving you bigger brains, I push my butternut around MY plate, and eat only what I like. Great message to my kids!!

You have to eat ALL your breakfast. Again - a good one. I can wax lyrical about the benefits of a good breakfast for as long as my kids stand still to listen, but if I do it while glugging back two cups of coffee and rushing out the house, the message seems hollow.

Early school nights and NO electronics in bed! Even as I write this I am blushing. The early nights I can certainly lead by example, but the no electronics in bed? I fail dismally! Thanks to my ipad (my third appendage), I am either pinterest'ing, facebook'ing, twitter'ing, blogging or reading from my kindle app. Until I fall asleep - never as early as it should be. 

As Warren curses in a moment of losing his temper, or I curse at that highly irritating driver on the road (pick a lane and drive!!) I hear myself saying "and don't think you kids are allowed to use language like that." Mixed messages? Oh yes!

But its not all bad. My kids do learn from my positive behaviour as well (I just hope these lessons last as long!). They watch while we donate to charity, while we help out friends and family, while we give one hundred percent at whatever we do, be it work or sport, while we are supportive of each other, and they watch how we demonstrate our love. But is this enough?

I don't think so. And while it may be easier said than done, I am going to make a concerted effort to eat all of my vegetables (even the ones that make me gag!), eat breakfast properly, go to bed with no electronic diversions, and bite my tongue and grip the steering wheel when I feel the urge to unleash my road rage. 

Franklin P. Jones said,  "Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next." Bearing in mind the sponge like quality and unnervingly long memories my kids have, I will either have to pull up my socks, or be more creative with my inconsistencies!! I'm Just Saying...

Mom

A widow at a young age, with two daughters aged 4 and 6. Moving home, moving province, to settle in a new town, leaving the familiar behind, but doing what she knew to be best. Settling kids into new schools, encouraging new friendships, creating a new life. Standing on her own, financially and physically. Starting again, determined, focused on the future, with an unwavering set of priorities. All the while mourning the loss of a husband, a soul mate. 

Fast forward 30 years. Both daughters married, four grandchildren (with another two on the way!), a move once again to a new life, a new way of living. Rediscovering herself, and enjoying different things,new hobbies, a new circle of friends. A proud, content woman, socially a source of strength to those she loves, a strong support to her family, an indisputably amazing mom, a wonderful gran. That same set of priorities - namely her family - as steadfast as ever.

This is my mom.  My mom has taught me many critical life lessons. As with most kids, the value of these lessons only really becoming intrinsic in my adult life, and in my own role as a mother. Unfortunately, as with most things in life, the lesson learnt is often only recognised by the necessity for it.  

Strength in the face of adversity. A big one, and one that was certainly learnt through watching my mom as she single handedly raised two girls, through the tumultuous school years, the social challenges only those teen years can bring, through University and marriages (not to mention the more than a few boyfriend issues we gave her to deal with!). She never gave up, never gave in. She remained firm in teaching us what was right and wrong, and when adversity arose (which it did), she kept her back straight, her head held high and remained unwavering in her principles. This lesson is a big one. One I hope my children can one day say I taught them. 

Absolute and unconditional love. There is no book that can teach you how to actively practise the depth of love a mother has for her children. I was lucky growing up. In everything she did, in every decision she made, in every "no you may not" and "yes you have to" she demonstrated the sheer depth of her feelings. At the ripe old age of 36 I can appreciate the lesson in this journey. To be selfless, to be motivating, to encourage, to teach. To support, guide, step up and step back, to know when to hold hands and when to push. I am lucky that she is my mom. But I am equally as lucky that she is grandmother to my kids. 

So to my very special mom, I'm Just Saying... Thank you. And I love you. Happy Mothers Day <3

Staying Next Door to Martha

Our annual long weekend timeshare at Castleburn - the 'Berg, is always a time to relax and take things slow. Meals are planned beforehand, and its all about convenience - with PLENTY of wine time factored in! Apparently not everyone shares the same idea about what constitutes a relaxing holiday, however. In the next door cottage, instantly identified by the smell (freshly baked something), and the look (matching and co-ordinated outfit, accessories and proper shoes (i.e. not tackies or slops!!)), was Martha (OK so her name was really Jan, but Martha by any other name would still  be Martha!). Not to sound hypocritical as I am a self-proclaimed Martha-wannabe, but Martha did NOT belong on holiday in the cottage next door to us!!

Day One saw Martha baking homemade custard slices, followed by day two's apple pie AND peach cobbler. With whipped cream. Served with Swiss coffee and WARM milk. By day three Ash and I thought we needed to "Out-Martha Martha". With our limited um.. talents, we decided on a cheese and wine spread. THIS we could do. So out came the Woolies cheese platter, the three Underberg cheeses recently purchased, the Woolies chicken liver pate, bacon pate, olive tapenade, marinaded olives, pickled onions (two kinds!), wasabi flavoured cream cheese (we like to patronise Woolies - they NEVER let us down!!), and our attempt at a friends recipe for oven roasted onions, tomatoes and Camembert. How proud were we!! Until Martha arrived (on instruction to bring nothing), with her perfectly roasted hallumi, with chilli sauce and FRESH basil. Enough said. Except it wasn't. Later on, a knock on our door revealed Martha had thoughtfully whipped up a lemon souffle (I kid you not), and had kindly sent it over to us. Gotta love Martha!

Our last day there saw us swearing to say no to any more invites. Until one predictably arrived with the offer of homemade lindt chocolate mousse. With barley concealed determination to find the Nigella in the Martha, we arrived armed with caramel vodka, and laid claim to the strawberry super moo tequila. After demolishing the made-from-my-grans-recipe-lindt-chocolate-mousse-with-choc-balls-and-whipped-cream desert, the vodka and tequila were encouragingly offered. And offered. And offered. Finally! The break through! An hour later and a brisk walk in the freezing dark saw Martha sitting on the floor crying with laughter!! The most fun she had EVER had, she declared!!! 

The point of all this? In every Martha there is Nigella dying to escape. I'm Just Saying...

Meet Lucy

This is Lucy. 

After much deliberation, and HUGE speculation, I have finally been allowed to adopt Lucy to live in my office. This is a big deal for me. I am grateful for the chance to prove to everyone that I am in fact, a nurturer. 

My track record is not great, I'll admit. There were two before Lucy, well three to be exact - but I'm not counting the one that didn't even see the first week out (clearly defective & too needy by nature!).  The other two (nameless, so I can disengage myself from the guilt), have been taken away and put back into the system - for their own good, I was told. Apparently they are now thriving under the care of Wouter - he who has the ability to resuscitate any desperate, sad looking, um plant. No comments here. 

So the bets are on, the jokes have started. Lucy must survive and flourish if I am to maintain any credibility as the Human Resources Manager. The person people come to for support, counselling, and yes, nurturing. I accept this challenge, albeit with some trepidation (and a tiny bit of self-doubt!).

And not that I'm defesive or anything, but the ONE dead leaf found after being in my office for a mere morning, was planted there. I'm Just Saying...

I Have Arrived...!

I have to admit that I have been a bit obsessed lately with getting old. I am officially closer to forty than to thirty, which is damn frightening. Looking for the greys, counting the wrinkles and spending a fortune on that elusive miracle formula to eradicate these stubborn, uninvited buggers from around my eyes. Looking at my clothes and comparing them to what is in the shop windows (ouch!), weighing up the desire to have dinner at a good restaurant with friends or go clubbing (ouch!), and realising there is no question as to where I would rather spend my Friday night. The obvious conclusion I reached was that I am no longer 20. Or 25. Not even just hit 30. Or 35. OUCH! But, and here comes my epiphany... is that necessarily a BAD thing??

These ARE the best years of my life... in all the ways that count. The days of not knowing what I wanted to do with my life, of not trusting my instincts, opinions or judgements, of insecurities and unease about my future, are behind me. Of course, on the down side, the carefree days, no responsibilities, party-all-night, guiltless hangovers, 'Varsity holidays and sporadically scheduled lectures, are unfortunately collateral damage when it comes to leaving things behind. 

So what makes me think getting oldER is not as bad as I dramatically made out at the first sight of that first pathetic line? Life experience for a start. Looking back, I have come a long way from where I was as a person, to be where and who I am today. I am confident, independent, and a lot wiser than I was. I am more sure of myself, and less likely to crumble at the opinions others may have of me. In fact, I am more aware of who I am and who I see myself being in the far off future. When I look in the mirror now, I see someone who IS a role model to her kids, who can hold her head high because of decisions made by herself. And I like what I see.

When I think about getting oldER now, I think about my kids, and the wonderful life experiences I still have to share with them, the knowledge and advice I can pass down to be ignored as I did to my mom way back when. And of course, there's the fun side - disposable income!! And the means and ideas to use it - albeit responsibly (the nerd in me never gets fully suppressed).

I have come to realise (and embrace!!) that although the playground may have changed and become more sophisticated, the playing doesn't have to stop. In fact, the games just get better and better! In the words of Dr McSteamy - we don't age, we arrive!! I'm Just Saying....

Counting down!

Its Monday, and I am in a great mood! I have so many things to look forward to in the next week - I am counting down!! (And blogging, to remind myself that Monday isn't all that bad!)

In TWO sleeps its book club!! Despite us all buying on Kindle and ipads, this book club is very special. We have known each other for 4 years now (all of our kids are at school together), and we just click. There is always dinner and wine and books, but more importantly, connecting, bonding, sharing, absolute hilarity, and tears. Its obligatory. Our once-a-month blow off steam where there is no judgement. These girls have become incredibly important to me, and I honestly can't imagine my life without them.  

 In FOUR sleeps, I am having breakfast with my oldest BFF, husbands, kids - the whole lot! Jen and I have been friends since we were 12 - which was a L O N G time ago. We have been through all of our major firsts together: First Boyfriends (we shared them when we were 13!), first kisses, sleep overs that lasted days, exams, disco's, school camps, high school angst, dances, clubbing (from the std 5 school disco, to Raywood, from Sandpebbles to 330) break-ups and make-ups, weddings, husbands, careers and kids, shared secrets and shared lives. My family was hers, and hers was mine. No matter how far apart we live, and how much time passes between conversations, she will always be my true BEST friend. And on Friday she will be here from JHB, and we get to spend the morning together. I can't wait!!

In FOUR sleeps (yes, on Friday again), we leave to spend 5 days with our special friends, the Osborns at Castleburn, in the 'Berg. Much needed quality family time, long walks around the dam, wine, cheeses, chocolate, lazy mornings and long afternoons. There is no better place to be to unwind and relax.

It has been a very stressful year so far, and I know all of us are looking forward to reconnecting and just being. 

In EIGHT sleeps I am meeting up with old school friends - from London, JHB and from around town. Thanks to Facebook we have all kept up and kept in contact, but it has probably been  20 years since we all saw each other. I am nervous, excited, proud to talk about my life, my family, my career. But really, I am just looking forward to seeing everyone again and proving that despite the time that has passed, we are still the same people we were 20 years ago - just with a few more lines and a whole lot more life experience!

I know its not good to wish time away, but I am counting down none the less. I'm Just Saying...